Start and Don’t Stop, part 2 out of who knows how many

So in July of 2013 I started my no-to-diabetes-lifestyle, and it is now almost 7 months later.  For 3 years, or since Caboose was conceived, I have lived a life with no thought to my own personal health; that is a huge mistake on my part, since I make my living/live my life advising other people how to be healthy.  How can I tell someone what to do if I don’t do it myself?  Every night I would lay down, after snacking and binging, and I would tell myself, “Tomorrow, you can start.  Tomorrow you will write down everything you eat, and you’ll get on the treadmill; tomorrow you won’t go to the fast food restaurant across from work for breakfast AND lunch.”  On and on, you get the picture. 

I once heard someone say that fat people are just lazy.  This person was on disability (needed, the person had some autoimmune issues), but this person did spend 2 hours a day at the gym.  They were in excellent, spandex-wearing-in-public shape.  Yet when I heard this statement, (and it was not directed at me, or at least I didn’t think so), I had a knot in my throat, because I felt like the shoe fit. 

But as I have been on this journey, I have asked myself if I am just lazy.  Granted, I would rather read a book than do almost anything, but most days I don’t feel like I am lazy.  So I’ve been looking at my behavior closely the last few months.  Am I lazy?  Do I take the path of least resistance? Oh, I am not going to like my answer.

Yeah, I’m a little lazy, and I do tend to choose the path of least resistance.  I don’t like hard things.  I don’t like being pushed out of my comfort zone. I don’t like to do things that require a whole lot of effort, except on days in the office where I am busy (and even then, sometimes I complain).  I don’t like to wait.  And in our society, this is not hard to accomodate.  Fast food, on demand movies, downloadable books and videos, microwavable food, etc.  This lifestyle I am choosing is really going to hurt.

But as my patients say, it’s a good hurt.  Every day I take the time to fix a salad and a good meal, even though I don’t get home till 6:30 on days I work, is a day that I have chosen the good hurt.  The day I am starting and not stopping. 

It’s getting harder.  I’ve lost 75 pounds so far, and people are really noticing, which makes me a little complacent, makes me think, “oh, you don’t have to try as hard now.”  WHAT????  or what the??? as my children unfortunately quote after me.  I still have at least 100 pounds before I can even begin to think about stopping, and even then, that’s why I’ve gained weight back in the past.  I got where I wanted (at least once), but then said, hey, I can do what I want, eat what I want, be “lazy” like I want. 

This time has to be different.  This time I am doing this for life, for limb, for sight, for my body.  This is the first time in my 30 years of being aware of my size that my motivation is really right, it’s really for me.  Sure, when I was 25 and hadn’t had a date in a year, that was motivation.  When Hubs asked me to marry him and I wanted to be able to fit in my dress, sure, that was motivation. 

This time, though, I am in it to LIVE.  I write about it because I need accountability and also because I want people to know that just because I am heavy, doesn’t mean I’m ugly inside, or lazy, or stupid.  Christians talk about the “BIG” sins (I’m not getting into that here, I live in an extremely glass house, that is very thin), but gluttony is mentioned several times in the Bible. Proverbs 23:21 talks of gluttons and drunkards being poor and “drowsiness clothes them in rags.”  1 Corinthians 6:12 and on says: “‘Everything is permissable for me’-but not everything is beneficial.  ‘Everything is permissable for me’–but I will not be mastered by anything.  ‘Food for the stomach and the stomach for food’- but God will destroy them both…”  Verse 19 goes on to say that, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.”

Paul wrote these verses in regard to sexual immorality in the church, but I take them to heart with my sin of gluttony.  If my habits keep me from functioning as a believer should, or if food becomes my idol, then it’s a sin.  Period.  If you’re not a believer, this might not make sense to you, but know that I am not preaching to you, I am preaching to myself.

I am not my own.  In my belief, I am my Creator/Savior’s first, then My Husband second.  How is my addiction hurting this man I love the most in the world?  How has it hurt him in the past? These are the questions and reasons that I must run this race through to the end, and continue to make right decisions that further my ability to honor God with my body.  He never intended our bodies to suffer with diabetes that was self inflicted.  I know people have this disease through no fault of their own, but my own bad habits have brought this upon myself.  I need to stay motivated to finish this race and maintain. I have survived finding out that my “LUMP” was not going to be life changing, but diabetes should be changing my life, in a hurt so good kind of way.

So be patient with me as you see me out and about and I haven’t changed a lot. I don’t like change, or rather, I didn’t like change, but this past year, I am a caterpillar looking forward to the transformation that my molting and hard work can bring about. John Cougar Mellencamp put it best: “Make it…hurt so good.”

Stay tuned. Or in other words, don’t “change” the channel.

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2 thoughts on “Start and Don’t Stop, part 2 out of who knows how many

  1. Your Beautiful and I’m so proud of you and after reading this I know in my heart of hearts I have got to step up to the plate and do this for myself also but mainly for my daughter I want to be here and see my grand kids one day.

  2. Love you bunches. You are such an encouragement to me and I know so many others. You are beautiful inside and outside. Size is not the issue, your health and well being are. I know people who are a size 2 and not healthy. I know people that are a size 16 that are healthy and active. So hang with it during the tough times. I know you can do it.

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