Do you know that feeling…that feeling that if you don’t laugh, you might cry until you can’t stop, and you find yourself crying when no one else is. And you cry when a character’s dad on one of your DVRed shows dies; and when your husband says, “I think he died in real life, that’s why they did this show, ” and you go into the hiccupping cries, that crying that got you the “if you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about” speech when you were a kid. That crying when you can’t stop the tears, and you’re actually a little surprised to feel the wetness on your face.
I have had a charmed life, yall. Charmed. Adopted at the age of 2 months, by parents who loved me and molded me, even when they couldn’t love each other. I have 3 mothers who think I am the Bomb-Diggity. The only loss that I have really experienced was the loss of my step dad in 2004, and he rates his own post, at some time in the future. I have had friends die, extended family die, but my circle has remained largely unchanged. No one has had major health issues. No one has had serious issues at all.
Until now. It started several years ago with my Granddaddy (my stepmother’s dad). He began having some issues around 2004; I noticed that he said a few curse words when normally he would NEVER have said the words he did. Now he repeats himself over and over; my hubs had a Duck Dynasty beard over the winter, and I counted how many times Granddaddy asked Hubs “How long have you been growing beard?”. It was about every ten minutes. We have perfected the ability to laugh at these things with my granddad. He’s so lovable, so kind still, and you can’t help but just smile when he starts talking about his past. I have been blessed to have a lot of time around family the last few weeks…I know that God had this planned.
Because now I am not so charmed. My family is no longer charmed. My heart is breaking. I am on the verge of tears almost every hour. “My heart and my strength may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26. This is my mantra. From now on.
I have written about my dad in an earlier post. My dad…my main man, my angst, the person who pisses me off the most. The man who saw 484 patients in one day, adjusted 484 patients in one day while in Nigeria on a mission trip. The man who ran 3-4 businesses and ran them well, who could do anything and did do everything well. The man who taught me when asked how I did something, to say “very well”. The man who believed in me, the one who took me in, not knowing my background.
Muris Raybon Boshell, Sr. Born on 12/12/1934, somewhere in Winston County, graduated from Phillips High School in 1952 (I think), served our country in the mid fifties. He decided to go to chiropractic school then and graduated from Palmer Chiropractic College in 1959. He had my older brother Ray in 1963, and I came along in 1971. My brother Josh was born in 1980. I lost some siblings along the way, one at birth and one at the age of 3, in 1979. I cannot imagine what these losses did to him.
“Bo” Boshell has been my mainstay. When I failed clinic in my 7th quarter of chiropractic school, because I did not have enough clinic visits, he stepped up, gave me help in getting patients in and I graduated on time in 1993. He never gave me a hard time about that, either. Whenever I was scared that he would really go ballistic about my failure, he always showed me mercy. Then, when I was least expecting it, he might let me have it about something that I never even thought would bring about his wrath.
Which makes me wonder if this disease, this “dementia”, might not have been present earlier than we realize.
All I know is, Dear God, I miss my dad already. We have had a serious episode, and my world has been rocked once again. I vacillate between tears and laughter, and swing moods like I am a fifth grader pumping my legs and about to touch the sky. My family is going to never be the same. I am heartbroken. I am grateful for the time I have had, the Dad I have had, and the family that surrounds me.
But oh…I wish I still lived a charmed life.