My life is Facebook Perfect

Yep, I am perfect on the outside, yall. I usually have clothes on in public, 80% of the time I have make up on, and 75% of the time I am well behaved. I don’t cuss in public, I haven’t danced on table tops since college, and I haven’t had a speeding ticket since 2012 (and Hubs bought me a radar detector for Mother’s day). I am in church most every Sunday morning, half of Sunday nights, and a quarter of Wednesday nights. I am always polite and smiling, and I can make you feel like a million bucks. My floors never have little crumbs all over them 10 minutes after I vacuum, and my laundry baskets are never full, because I always have time to do 3 loads of laundry a day.

My kids are usually clothed. They have shoes on most of the time. They haven’t cussed in public since 2012, and they haven’t urinated in public since…okay, we will skip that one. They make straight A’s, they never misbehave in public, and they are always respectful to people in church and all their elders. They never do or say anything that would make me cringe in embarrassment or horror, and they always respond to correction (not that they ever need it) in a positive way. The baby has at least 3 pairs of shoes and is always matching, and they love going to church.

Hubs and I never do or say anything to hurt each other’s feelings, and he never says anything about how much money I spend. He always notices my new haircuts, and he is always ready to help me coordinate my outfit. We always agree, and I always treat him the way a husband deserves to be treated.

And my kids poop ice cream and there’s a unicorn living in our back yard, if you believe what I have written above.

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This first picture was taken in my master bathroom. It is a picture of a thumbtack, and as Weatherman says, it’s not even a good thumbtack. This particular thumbtack had been on the back of our toilet for about 3 weeks. I don’t know why. We have a bulletin board near our bathroom, and I did knock the whole thing off its hinges not long ago, and the next thing I know, the tack was on the back of my toilet. I even moved it to clean the toilet, and PUT IT BACK! Why did I put it back? Because my life is FB perfect, right? NO, because I just did it, because I couldn’t take the 30 seconds it would have taken to walk the 5 steps to put it into the stupid bulletin board. So that stupid thumbtack just sat there, day after day, week after week, and finally, temptation took over and was too strong.

I looked up one day (or early morning, during the bathroom time), and saw the thumbtack. I knew immediately who had put it there. Temptation was too much. Mark 14:38 says, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Poor Monkey, his flesh got the best of him. I went to him and asked, “WHAT THE HECK, MONKEY??” No, maybe not quite so harshly, but okay, maybe so.

His reponse, with a sheepish smile on his face…”Holes are awesome.” WHAT??? Holes are awesome? How about the hole I am about to put in your hide, is that awesome?

Oh, wait, I have a Facebook Perfect life. Alrighty then, I just gently laughed and said, “Oh, Monkey, you are so funny.”

UM, NO. I went a little crazy and overboard and haha, no. That crap don’t pass.

Have you realized yet my sarcastic humor above? Have you realized yet that the people you think have perfect Facebook lives are lying through their Facebook filters? I rarely have it all together. I had a young lady tell me recently that I was a “better” Christian than she was. Um, no. I fail every day. Every minute, yall. I can barely control my thought processes, and the only way I can control my temper is through Holy Spirit.

My kids…poor Caboose has one pair of shoes, and they were Batman shoes but underneath Dora was just waiting, and he refuses to wear anything else.  That’s the second picture.

Hubs is a great husband…but not very observant. I had cleaned out Weatherman’s closet and put a HUGE purple Tote box and 2 big boxes in my foyer. I had to leave them there until I cleared out a spot to store them (they had clothes and school stuff in them). For 4 weeks, those 3 albatrosses sat in my entryway, wearing on my nerves, lessening the joy in my house. I spent 3 hours one Tuesday putting together a book case and moving stuff around, in order to move the detritus out of the first place you see when you walk in our house.

I mentioned to Hubs when he got home, “Did you notice that I moved the big purple tote and boxes?”  And he naturally responded, “What boxes?”

Yes, I controlled myself, because we are still married.

Okay, I did more than control myself.  I accepted that I am not Facebook perfect.  All you have to do is read my previous posts and know that Martha doesn’t live here and I don’t care.  I do care that my boys are respectful.  I do care that they know who God is and revere Him and are fearful of Him.  I want my husband to love and desire me, but I also want him to know that I am not perfect.  God knows I am not perfect.  But God Is Perfect.   And I don’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations but His.  So if you see me without makeup, in dirty clothes, or you see my kids in the same clothes they wore yesterday…don’t judge.  Unless you can be Facebook Perfect, Too.

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