I love birthdays. I love my birthday. I always have, even though it is only 2 days before Christmas. It feels like I have a 3 day holiday, and I never had to go to school on my birthday.
This year, “to save me from tears” (that’s a nod to my 4 year old, who has now heard “Last Christmas” so often that he sings it out randomly), well, this year I have some tears. For one thing, I have been doing some math and realized…I am the same age my in-laws were when I married their son!!! WHAT????
So that kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. Then there’s the whole middle age thing. Life expectancy is around 80 or so for us Gen Xers, I think; I am over middle age, at this point. I most certainly do not FEEL middle aged, however that feels, which I certainly wouldn’t know.
I have classmates who have grandchildren the age of my children (or close to it). WHAT???? I get asked at least once a month if my kids are my grandkids. WHAT????? (said in my best Minion voice, you know you hear it too).
Most of all, though, this will be a birthday without my dad here. I told my mom I couldn’t remember the last time I went out to eat with him, but I do…my last birthday, last year. He was mostly listening, didn’t get the conversation, but he was there. He gave me some money, if I remember correctly. He sat across from me. I am pretty sure he did nothing overtly embarrassing that day (trust me, there is a reason we all stopped eating out with him).
I will be thinking of him Tuesday. I think of him all the time. And that leads me to those who are living this Christmas without their loved ones. There are a few in particular, a wife without a husband and her children without their dad, and a mom/dad, brothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, without their daughter/sister/friend. My heart aches for them. I don’t even have the words to express my sorrow for how this Christmas will be for them.
But I do know this: Job lost everything. EVERYTHING. Read this book of the Bible. He lost his daughters and sons. He lost his livestock. He lost his wealth. (He didn’t lose the wife who told him to curse God and die, wonder what was up with that?)
In Job 13:15 he says “Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him…”
I want that. That sense of whatever happens, happens and I can deal with it. Say that with me:
THOUGH HE SLAY ME, YET I WILL HOPE IN HIM.
He hasn’t slayed me yet, but I know that when He does, He will get me through it and I will do my best to hope in Him.
Bring it, Forty Four. I can take it!