Can I have one of your…

My life isn’t particularly hard lately.  I have a husband who has never heard of Ashley Madison and loves me fat or thin, I have 3 sons that are my sunshine most of the time, family who are still alive and kicking and friends on which I can depend.

That being said, life is tough no matter who you are.  I have friends who have lost children, friends who have lost dads and moms, and my own dad has had a tough time recalling my name the last few times I have visited him.

I was extremely sad the first time it happened, about a month ago.  I asked, “Do you know my name?” and he looked really hard at me, and said, “no, not right now.”  I am happy to say that the next 2 times I have seen him, he did know my name, but not my boys, and that is a decline that I have been expecting but not prepared for.

My mom and I had a conversation last week about being prepared.  Prepared for his departure.  I have convinced myself that he will live a long, long time, because he is in pretty good health, but he’s had some issues lately, and then a few nights ago I dreamed vividly of his death, and I still remember and feel the absolute terribleness of the sobbing that I was doing and the devastation I felt when I heard the news.  I remember waking up with a little hiccup of a sob, and thanking God that I have some more time. I have even made contact with my adoptive mother a little more often and for those who know me, well, I must be feeling my mortality.

I don’t have easy answers.  I don’t know why bad things happen.  I do know that my trust is placed in God, who can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, and my God whose “thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways.”  He is my Refuge, and He is the reason that I keep the faith that all will be well one day.  And that being said, my day to day survival depends a lot on humor, laughter and humor, and my kids provide a lot of that.

Example:

The boys and I were having lunch with Hubs at his work a few weeks ago, and had Zaxby’s for lunch. Monkey loves cheese sticks so he had them for his meal and they were called something like cheesy nibblers.

So Weatherman, being the foodie he is, asked Monkey, “Can I have one of your cheesy nipples?”

Oh. Mylanta.

Hubs and I looked at one another and tried to hold it in, but both of us just lost it, and then Weatherman and Monkey realized what had been asked for and after that there was no control.

Weatherman didn’t get a cheesy nipple but did get a cheese nibble, and we got some relief.  Monkey, though, his sense of humor keeps me laughing.  He is struggling with going back to school, and after expressing his distaste for formal education for the umpteenth time, we started naming people that had to have a good education to accomplish all that they had done, and I mentioned my dad and his education and all the things that he had accomplished because of his education.  Monkey leaned over and whispered in my ear, “and yeah, look how he turned out.”

Laughter is good medicine, and when life is getting you down, I encourage you to find some humor.  There is always something to laugh about, and if not, watch some cute cat videos.  Either way…laugh, because we all cry enough.

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4 thoughts on “Can I have one of your…

  1. Tina, I read this with tears in my eyes because I know exactly what you’re going through. Losing both mom and dad so close together was devastating but watching the dementia that they both ended up with slowly consume them was even harder, because like you said, they were 2 of the smartest people I know/knew. I pray for you, Ray and the rest of the family as you prepare yourself for this next phase. Please know you are not alone!! Love to all!

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